Friday, January 6, 2017

I Stick Out Like a Sore Thumb at Panera

I seriously just discovered that Panera has free refills on most of their drinks. I also discovered that their amazing iced green tea has 230 calories in a large (32 oz). Now that I work third shift (10 pm-6:30 am), I've been stopping by Panera after work to write. Panera is one of the few places open at 6 am. Dunkins is open, but there isn't really a place to sit and write inside any of the Dunkins near me. I also don't want something overly caffeinated because I'll be crawling in bed a few hours later. 

I love Panera and thankfully, a lot of their breakfast items fit in my diet. I try and stay under 550 calories per meal. That breaks down to a bowl of their power oatmeal or a power sandwich with a large green tea. The place is generally pretty empty so I have a choice of where I get to sit and plenty of space to spread out. If I'm there past 9 am, it does start to get pretty busy, 

The point of me telling you this isn't just about the refills. It's about how much I stick out. Today after work, I went home and changed before coming to Panera. I work as a quality assurance tech for Coca-Cola. I wear steel-toed-boots, black pants with many pockets and a plain black hoodie or sweater over my black t-shirt. That may sound pretty normal, but my work clothes are generally in some state of disarray. 

Syrup caked on my boots, neon-colored ear plugs hanging around my neck, eyeliner smeared on one side of my face, frizzy hair all over the place and stained fingers (Sunkist stains like nothing else). I probably smell like Classic or Moxie or a weird combination of Fanta's. I'm not what people expect to see sitting in a Panera at 7 in the morning, typing away on a sticker decorated computer and surrounded by glittery pink office supplies. 

I've gotten many double takes. It doesn't bother me, but it is extremely distracting. I get antsy when I feel people watching me and once I'm distracted, I'm done for. Which is exactly what happened right before I started this post. I was writing along, working on a detailed outline and BAM! Felt someone watching me. Now I'm here. Not writing and barely focusing on this post. 

I wonder what these people would think if they knew the car in the parking lot with eyelashes is mine... 

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Yup, I'm Behind Again

I'm not very good with goals or deadlines I've set myself. I never ever make them, even if I have my boyfriend bug me about it. Too bad he has a worse memory than I do and almost always forgets after day two. This probably also explains why we've both had trouble losing weight.

I've dropped about two pounds, which is technically on track but I'd like to be losing more. To lose two pounds a week, I'd have to drop my calorie intake to 1,300 a day. Wicked icky. I've only gone over my 1,680 limit once when I went out with friends (super worth it!) but I have been drinking again. I found a recipe for 180 calorie bagels that I've been messing around with. My first attempt was absolute shit, but I hope to make a new batch next Tuesday.

As far a writing goes, I've started a new novella and put my other WIP on hold until this plot bunny runs its course. I'm hoping to stretch this puppy out to 15,000 words and maybe (somehow) myself editing will be less shittier than usual and someone will take it.  My depression has been awful lately and all I want to do is lay in bed. But it also won't let me sleep, so I just lay there with no energy or motivation.

Contributing to my motivation is my lack of ability to find another job. I've been averaging around 7 new applications a night. So far I have gotten a few rejection e-mails, but so many are in limbo it's driving me nuts. I wanted to put things on hold until the end of the year, but with my car needing repairs and the holidays coming up I'm a little worried.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

My Liver Hates Me

A lot of the times it feels like nothing can go right. I had a mandatory blood test on Tuesday (or they wouldn't refill my anti-depressants). Which pissed me off at the time because I felt that they going to allow me to slip back into suicidal tendencies over a stupid test. Now I'm glad that they made me do it.

 I received a call two days later at work from the nurse - who didn't even know that I was coming in the next day for a check-up - about my liver. The call was terrifying and confusing. The tests showed that my liver is irritated, damaged and general not happy. I didn't understand what she was talking about. 

Of course, I panicked and excused myself to call my boyfriend and mother. My supervisor was extremely concerned about me. I did some research about liver failure and fatty liver disease. I knew that my weight was a factor, but it didn't make a whole lot of sense. That day I downloaded My Fitness Pal and logged my calories. I ate as cleanly as I could that night. 

Thankfully Friday was pay day and I would be able to pick up healthier items. I saw my doctor who explained that my triglycerides are nearly four times higher than they need to be. If they stay the same in six months after I lose weight and cut back my drinking, that means that there is possible permanent damage. She also explained that fatty liver disease is very common and can be treated easily. No need to panic or let Dr. Google tell me that I'm dying. 

I've put myself on a strict 1600 calories a day diet and pinned a lot of low cal recipes. I also tried fish that wasn't battered for the first time. I found a feta and spinach stuffed tilapia recipe that is only 185 calories per serving! It tasted amazing. 

On top of all this, I did two job interviews this week and bombed both of them. But I did get a crit back and I am very happy about that. 

But I didn't write anything. I can force myself to eat 1400-1600 calories a day  (3000-4000 calories was my normal), but I can't get myself to write. That is the true power of procrastination.